I Never Left the Crepitus Until Now

21 years ago, on my 21st birthday I completed my first feature. Now In 2021 it has been cleansed. Experience the 2021 Final Cut and the original 2000 cut (only on the initial limited 2 disc.)

Symbols of the Minds Eye is 2020

This past year has been a mountain to climb. Lots in the happenings and not enough time in the day. Yet that moment has come to begin sharing a sliver of that journey.

Pre-sales are live for this crazed piece. The first of many oncoming releases and works. Keep an eye on the 24th for an anniversary release that’s as personal as it gets.

This first release will be magGots exclusive of the following mad scientist experiment by mastermind and pal Marcus Koch. Loaded with exclusive materials and packaging.


Symbolicus is an experimental anthology project developed by extreme horror maestro Marcus Koch (100 Tears, AGP: Bloodshock). Assigned with nothing more than a symbol, filmmakers were granted full control and creativity to construct absolutely anything they wanted. Spanning over three volumes and consisting of works from 39 different filmmakers from around the world. Symbolicus defies the boundaries of traditional filmmaking, dismissing the concepts of genre or narrative. Delivering a cinematic experience like nothing you have seen before.

Volume 1 will contain works from the following filmmakers:

-Victor Bonacore 

-Cidney Meredith 

-Joe Meredith 

-Michael Todd Schneider 

-Gurcius Gewdner 

-Jessie Seitz 

-Patrick Fortin 

-Matti Soikkeli 

-James Bell 

-Jonathan Doe 

-Marcus Koch 

-Kasper Juhl

All filmmakers who participated in this project are permitted to make and distribute their own releases of the project, so you can purchase your copy from your favorite filmmaker, or you can collect them all!


Twenty years ago today I completed my first feature film, My Crepitus (aka: I Never Left the White Room.)

It was a non stop push from highschool, college and the end roads of this film. Which was a blurry and rocky journey. Here I was in the final week push. Illegally sneaking into the school nine months after graduating. Using a tape to tape linear editing deck to complete the film. I was couch surfing with college buddies.

I get word my Great Grandma has passed. My Mum, Grandma, Grandpa, Uncle Kenny and his daughter/my cousin Sarah hit the road. We all abandon the moment we are in and go.

This predated cell phones being a thing. So how they managed to reach me was surely a feat unto itself. Since I was locked in the editing bay from 7am-10pm straight. I’d say they reached the school and someone found me there. So maybe I wasn’t so hard to find after all.

They zipped through on route down from Titusville and Pleasantville areas. Snagged me in Pittsburgh.

We hit the road on a straight shot to Texas. Switching off driving shifts. Being the crazy artist that wouldn’t sleep I recall driving a 3-7am shift.

It was a true bonding moment. Reconnecting with our human spirit. Family. All else in the world had stopped in our little bubble. We needed to celebrate my Great Grandma and who she was to each and every one of us.

The trip was full of tears and laughter. Sharing moments and memories. Present and past. As well as preparing us to be better versions of ourselves for tomorrow.

One day we were with our Texas family mourning my Great Grandma. The next day they surprised me with an early birthday celebration. It was soon to be my 21st.

We rushed back to whatever our normal lives were. With a regained appreciation for what we have, what we have had and those who are important in our lives.

I slide right back into that editing bay. The following day is the last day I am able to complete my movie. It ends the quarter and there’s no way I can continue sneaking around. It is the final 15 hour push. I never leave that White room and grind nearly to the final minute.

At 9:35pm I have the master tape exporting. It occurs to me… that in this moment it is my 21st birthday. That I have graduated highschool, college and completed my first feature film. That whole trip we did in the middle of this brought a whole other layer of perspective. It was all somehow possible. Because it had to be.

I ran the halls hoping to find someone to celebrate this epiphany with. I ran smack into m kadath. Who was the very first person I met when I moved to Pittsburgh to go to college. We were roommates. He is still a great friend and built this site and continues to supply his incredible musical talents to the scores on all of the films.

He grabs me. He sees it all over my face. He regurgitates it back into the English language. I don’t even say a word. We are a few weeks apart so we both also realize we could celebrate and go out for the first time and clang a beer together. But neither of us can afford it. So we postpone that moment. He pep talks me and sends me back to the editing bay to wrap up any loose ends before leaving the White room.

So here we are. Twenty years later. An internalized journey of a man trapped inside… seems more prevalent then ever. Being the focus of the film itself, lines between reality and fiction blur as they tend to. More often then many of us like to admit.

I am now my mothers age when we made that trip to Texas. She is now her mothers age…

And here we are collectively. In this massive moment of internal fear, externally sharing through this pandemic.

We don’t know what tomorrow holds. But we can come together communally. Share our lives. Through memory, conversations and art and countless other ways. For on the other side of this hard reset to the reality we have grown comfortable living… we will be better for it. We will renew the humanity that has been slipping through our fingers.

We have created our individual white walls and they are crumbling. Stay strong and positive. Grow through this tragic moment. 

I hope we get that chance to celebrate that moment and all of our individual moments since.

quar·an·tine of mag•Gots

While the major studios are forced to set back theatrical releases. We in the underground must come together. Support one another. Countless upcoming conventions, festivals, performances…are being canceled or postponed. I know we won’t be attending many planned ones until there is a clear plug on things.

Thus, we have decided to make the jump and re-open shop. The magGot Store is open.

Let’s keep the entertainment in our living rooms and keep our dreams alive.

Art shall keep us sane while the world reveals its true skin.

The Minds Are Spreading Wide open

All pre-orders and all else have shipped.  The web store will relaunch at the start of the new year.  Some of these limited editions of Opening the Mind have been saved for when things kick off in 2020.  But it is now time to play catch up on the holidays!

Lots more to come. Soon as we come up for air.


Mr. Ben VS. Christopher Lee

Opening the Mind marks the end roads for the mountain of in-house productions that have weighed me down for most of my adult life. It was just the third time I filmed with Mr. Ben. But it will mark the final feature experience completed of our era of work.

Mr. Ben was a portal of stories from his roller coaster of a life within the entertainment industry. One significant tale always puzzled me. Mr. Ben was once replaced by the legendary Christopher Lee. The film had gone through a title change and we knew not what came of it. Any chance I get, I will dig around looking for the various known productions Mr. Ben was involved in. This one remained a mystery. Today on the seventh anniversary of Mr. Ben’s passing I was finally able to place my eyes upon this mystery.

A very special thanks to Madeline Mythos (of Guillotine Girls Horror Podcast) who recognized a very reminiscent image. I had posted a shot of Mr. Ben on set of what was once known as de Sade. She forwarded the same shot back of Christopher Lee standing where Mr. Ben had. The same exact promotional shots recreated with Lee. A little more noodling and we discovered the release shared below…

Early on, someone recommended to Mr. Ben he keep a diary and write a memoir one day. This way all these wild stories they were moved by, could remain fresh and well captured. It was his last wish to see it published and we all hope to see that realized one day. For now, I would like to share an excerpt from his book on the anniversary that he left this mortal coil. Below you can read a tidbit of THE DREAM NEVER DIES: The Life of a Working Actor

Mr. Ben VS. Christopher Lee


“A featured role was offered me in the movie de Sade. The job came up because of a sick wife and was lost because of the European quota system on co-productions.

The Spanish director, Jesus Franco, phoned me.

“I’m doing a picture called deSade, and I’m wondering if you can come to Barcelona to play a role. The actor who was originally cast has to fly home to Germany. His wife has been in a terrible accident and I need someone to replace him. Your friend, Jack Taylor, who is in the movie, recommended I call you. Do you think you can do it? Jack has assured me you are a good actor.”

There was no audition; just a desperate call.

The first flight out was at six in the morning, and on arrival at the airport there was a limo waiting to drive me to the studio. On the way they handed me a script of the first scene to be shot that day. Learning the lines on the way to the studio, they rushed me into makeup and costume as soon as we got there. They outfitted me almost entirely in black, complete with a voluminous, flowing cape; the trademark of every depraved scoundrel. With my dark hair and penetrating eyes, the time came to play the man who taught deSade’s philosophy of life and kinky sex. After meeting all the other actors on the set we shot the first scene. It went beautifully. There were no flubs and we did it perfectly in one take.

It was the best role anyone had ever offered me in a movie. deSade was a semi-porno film. But since it was still the Franco years it was necessary to shoot on a closed set. In the first scene there was no nudity or sex, but there was plenty in other parts of the picture, and the women were stunning. We shot my scene a second time for safety purposes, when the director was told Harry Alan Towers, the producer, was on the phone from London. He was calling to tell Jesus the actor doing the role must be either German or English.

In Europe, when they do co-productions there is a quota system they must adhere to. deSade was a Spanish-English-German co-production so they had to use an equal number of actors and technicians from each country. In spite of the good job done that morning, the perfect shoot and the satisfaction of the director, this actor was out. They had placed me in the Spanish quota.

“But we just shot the first scene with our actor. He’s perfect for the role,” yelled Jesus.

“I’m sorry,” replied Towers, “the actor has to be German or
English. I’ve already spoken to Christopher Lee and he’s agreed
to do the part.”

Christopher Lee was famous for his Dracula films. He hurriedly flew in from London the next day. We watched him practically sleepwalk through the same scene that had been done so well the day before. Jesus apologized but said there was nothing he could do. They paid me in full for my contract and then drove me to the airport for my return flight to Madrid.

It had happened again; but as an actor learns early on, life is full of disappointments. Yet when everything falls apart, actors pick themselves up and know someday it will happen. The dream never dies!” – Ben Tatar, 2002

Eugenie …the story of her journey into perversion

Töte Mich Noch Einmal

  • An exciting addition to the special edition of OPENING THE MIND is the experimental German film, Töte Mich Noch Einmal.

Below is a breakdown of the talent involved. Including Thomas Goersch who makes an appearance in OTM as well as The Profane Exhibit.

Töte Mich Noch Einmal

Daniel Hadrović is a writer and filmmaker. He has Croatian citizenship and lives in Germany. 2019 he was nominated for the Croatian Artist Award “Većernjakova Domovnica”.

Antonio Putignano is an Italian actor known from cinema and television. He was an integral part of the most successful German daily soap ever.

Thomas Goersch is mainly known to the German audience as a TV host and gained a solid fan base through extreme underground film productions.

Shirley Hermanick is a German model who takes now and then roles as an actress.

Advisor on the set was the horror author Robert Odei.

Gabriel dos Santos Dias, from Portugal, is responsible for the editing.

The music score was composed exclusively for the film by the English Band TWO WHOLE QUAILS, who specialized in setting up music to surreal silent films.

A Karyus Character

John Karyus is an eclectic character actor and Jack of Any Trade on an indie film set. We met at the B-Movie Film Festival in Syracuse, NY in 2000. He overheard a conversation and asked if he could chime in. Below he reflects of this, but it’s a moment I’ll never forget. He asked if I had any copies left of my film. I opened my book bag and offered him a VHS of MY CREPITUS. John inquired what they cost, I stared at him dazingly. He urged me to ‘get used to it’ and shoved a $20 bill in my hand in exchange for my film. John shook my hand and shared a personal anecdote of thriving to survive as an artist. Believing in ones skills. He was the first to buy one of my films. Then he asked how he could reach out to me, so that we could correspond. He did write back after watching my film. Over the next six years, we kept in touch. Then as he was nearing a crossroads and about to make the dive toward his cinematic dreams and move to LA. He said I was on his bucket list of artists he wanted to work with before he made the move. John drove straight from the set of TROMA’S POULTRYGEIST: NIGHT OF THE CHICKEN DEAD. He arrived directly on set of …AND THEN I HELPED. We were shooting a massive blood bath and he jumped right in and helped puppeteer the faux victim. Once we broke, we had a chance to catch up and he eagerly popped open the trunk of his car to show the prop ass from the Troma film. He had played a gravedigger who gets his ass reamed literally…


We shared many a laugh and filmed a plenty… Below is John’s own personal reflection:

John Karyus on set of Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead.

“Hot on the tail of announcing that the nearly 6 years in the making PIGSTER (formerly FEAST OF FEAR) is finally available, another long dormant project has surfaced. This one dates all the way back to 2002…the long anticipated OPENING THE MIND from Michael Todd Schneider.

I first met Michael in 2000 or 2001 at a genre themed film festival. I am not sure if he sensed I was of a similar mindset or what, but he came up to me saying his film was too disturbing to play at this festival. He then opened a backpack full of VHS tapes, somewhat covertly like a drug deal was going down. The movie was MY CREPITUS and the cover was himself in homemade but very creepy demon makeup. Of course I bought one of these bad boys. $15 I think.

Over the next couple of years I kept in touch with him online. I was doing movies and he was doing movies. He was starting to get known in the weirdest corners of the underground for some of his movies and music projects. We traded tapes back and forth. At some point, he offered me a role in his avant garde epic OPENING THE MIND, which he had been working on for a couple years at that point. He showed me a trailer for it, which I couldn’t make heads or tails of. It was all weird eyeballs and screaming. But I liked it. A lot. I said yes immediately. I didn’t know what this movie was ABOUT (still don’t!) but I did know it would be INTERESTING.

A couple of years went by before we would shoot it. In the summer of 2006, I drove from Buffalo to Pittsburgh and shot not only my bizarre scene in OPENING THE MIND, but a brief cameo in another movie he was making at the time ( called …AND THEN I HELPED) as well as an impromptu short film. 3 films in one weekend, not bad!

And then a week later I packed my car and moved to LA. And gradually fell out of touch with Michael. I worried here and there about OTM, and it didn’t help that it seemed to disappear from IMDB. But then, just a few days ago…I saw him posting that pre-order was available on this film that had become an urban legend. It existed!

I read a blog on his webpage that went into some detail about how hard the project was to resurrect. The tapes were impossible to play on any deck or camera he had. A whirlwind of other issues. And other films to make. But somehow, some way, after 17 years, he carved this beast. I still don’t know what to say about it, but not quite knowing what it is is the joy of it. I can guarantee it is very, very far out there.

OPENING THE MIND is available for pre-order on his website, in two collector’s edition versions. One that’s $40 with all sorts of extras like documentaries….and one that I think is just the movie for $25. Also, listed right underneath, is …AND THEN I HELPED also for $25. These are pricey I know, but keep in mind they are very independent releases….as well as collectable packaging and such that all those collector types seem to love!

I haven’t seen either of these yet. But I can say both are pretty extreme and force you to leave your sanity at the door. I know I did!” – John Karyus, 11.6.2019